I travel too much. I only wish I could be prolific on an airplane; I would have completed at least two trilogies by now. Or some of the articles I will write for Swans.

Instead, I'm one of those restless passengers who stares out the window, picking out landmarks, making sure we maintain the proper altitude in between chapters of a book. I do often write in my head, but by the time the words make their landing on the paper, the inspiration has vaporized. So mainly I look out the window. I point out Mono Lake, Half Dome, Death Valley, the Grand Canyon, the Statue of Liberty, Windsor Castle (everything in between the Grand Canyon and the Statue of Liberty looks the same to me...) to my hopefully hypothetical rowmate.

I have flown 1.5 million miles and I'm qualified to say that airline travel is inhumane, and it is only getting worse; especially in coach. One thing you will learn about me is that I am six feet tall. If my CEO were this tall, we wouldn't have a mandate to FLY COACH TO EUROPE. I won't even bring up the worn-out subject of airline food, except to say that the weight savings resulting from smaller portions could be allotted to increased moisture content of the circulating/recycled air. I have a souvenir wrinkle for every mile I've flown and now travel with all sorts of lubricants to ward off nose-bleeds, sticky contact lenses, parched lips, dry mouth etc. In the meantime, (on a recent flight) I came up with a device to alleviate these maladies:

Please send me an e-mail if you are interested in this fabulous investment opportunity. I'll reply to you when I get back in town...