Note from the Editor

We'll be back with a full edition of Swans on January 6; but for today, let's carry on with our tradition: here is our seventh rendition of Swans' Infamous Predictions™. For those of you who may feel offended by the content our street-corner shrink offers a simple prescription: don't read. If you feel as having a good laugh, then be our guest!

Best wishes for the New Year.


Swans' Definite Predictions

Swans:  2003 Predictions

Poking fun at the punditry and other luminaries this year could be a tough assignment. Jesse Helms and Strom Thurmond have left the scene. Jesse Jackson has yet to jump on the campaign bandwagon and Al Gore has yet to reinvent himself; Trent Lott is poor material -- one does not shoot at ambulances anyway (except if one is the IDF, which we are not); the pope, walking cadaver on saintly crutches, can't enjoy his favorite choirboy anymore; Dianne Feinstein's rotten smile brings Dracula to mind and Gray Davis' colorless features makes one long for Arnold Schwarzenegger; Sam's toupee has given way to a younger gigolo on ABC's This Week and the talking heads keep on talking; deep-frozen David Brinkley is no where to be seen and Enron has replaced ADM to general public indifference; not even Viagra can resuscitate Bob Dole from his latest senator's husband (re)incarnation; poor George Soros, now a convicted felon, has become a pariah; Kofi Annan's marionette-like stature is a satire all by itself; catatonic Bill Bennet competes with Pat Robertson for the moral Tartuffe of the year award; Clinton and Lewinsky are passé; George and Laura are phlegmatic; and Katie Couric joins Halle Berry in the Oprah Winfrey Hall of Bores!   More...



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Created: January 10, 2003