Err, Mr. Bush, What Went Wrong?

by Gilles d'Aymery

March 15, 2004   


Mr. George W. Bush
The White House
Washington D.C.
(via the Web)


Dear Mr. Bush,

Your faithful lieutenant and Chairman of "Bush-Cheney '04, Inc." (Not Printed at Taxpayers' Expense...but incorporated nonetheless), Marc Racicot, sent me this wonderfully personalized picture of your good self and your charming wife:

[Pic: Dedicated picture of George W. and Laura Bush - size=24KB]

The dedication meant a lot to me. It read:

[Pic: George W. and Laura Bush's eternal dedication to the author - size=19KB]

This is a great honor, sir. Thank you. The elevation to the title of Charter Member of the Bush-Cheney '04 campaign in California is a proud distinction that I will keep cherishing for years to come. I would never have expected in my wildest dreams that, after immigrating to this remarkable, blessed and chosen country some twenty-two years ago, I would one day be so lavishly acknowledged for my grassroots leadership; but if our great Governor, Arnold Schwarzenegger, is an emulating example of what can be accomplished through hard work, I am confident that, under your heavenly-guided leadership, my future is bright. Indeed, the country needs strong leaders in these turbulent and dangerous times!

I truly relished the positive message in Chairman Racicot's letter, and am appalled by the political hate speech used by the Democrats and the liberal special interest groups (particularly the liberal, left wing media) against you and your enlightened, and conservatively compassionate, administration. Their vicious attacks, evil in nature (cf. George Soros), will not stand. Heretics calling for "constructive capitalism" will be defeated by a power greater than themselves.

Four More Years!

I feel compelled however, out of respect for you and the larger community, to alert you to minor, almost insignificant details:

First and foremost, I realize that as a legal alien I can lawfully contribute to your campaign, but having held no gainful employment in the past three years, you will undoubtedly understand my regretful inability to send a contribution at this time. I trust this will not be cause enough for stripping me from the valued title of Charter Member and that my grassroots leadership will remain in good standing.

Second, I must confess -- like you, I am neither a crook nor a liar, as the dastardly Democrats dare to call you -- that were I a US citizen I would forcefully campaign and ultimately vote for Ralph Nader. This should rejoice you for, if I follow the Democrats' logic, Mr. Nader is your ally (I fully expect you will find a way to finance his campaign in the same fashion some of your friendly operatives have done with Al Sharpton's).

Please extend my good wishes to our vice-president and my fervent hope that his defibrillator will hold steady so that he can pursue his relentless, faith-based crusade against the terrorists, the vice-laden Democrats, the gays and lesbians and all the heretics that threaten our Great Nation and its civilizing mission on earth and beyond.

Baise main to the First Lady,
Deep appreciation for your considerate gesture,
God bless.

Your humble servitor.

Gilles d'Aymery

P.S. I may well follow Mr. Racicot's recommendation that your picture be framed and proudly featured. We could hang it next to that of the Holy Father, Pope John Paul II, above the toilet of our modest home's bathroom. His sanctity has always served this household well on the infrequent occasions we are gripped with righteous constipation. Hanging yours in His company would further lower our health care bills -- a patriotic act par excellence!

P.P.S. Love your belt. That's where the buck stop, I suppose. Could your spare one? You know my address...

cc. Marc Racicot

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Gilles d'Aymery is Swans' publisher and co-editor.

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Published March 15, 2004
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