by Robert Wrubel
(Swans - November 6, 2006) Just think, a year ago I didn't even know what a "blog" was. I thought it was a British expression for a person, or a man. Everyone else seemed to know, so I was embarrassed to ask.
I do know now. It's short for "Web Log," which means a group of people who use the Web. The World Wide Web.
What it really means though is a place where people talk, people you don't even know. Like the Laundromat, only less public.
It's funny that you can go to a blog and start talking right away, before you even know anyone. At first I was shy about this, and thought I should listen and try to get to know the people who were already there. The way you would if you joined a club, or moved into a new neighborhood.
When I finally got up the nerve to say something, I was very polite. "My, this is an intelligent discussion! You all have such interesting things to say. I never knew there were so many sides to an issue!" I was so proud when my comment appeared right there on the screen, below the one by Savage Sister. To think that I've only been a member of the community for three or four hours, and already I am accepted!
The name of the blog is Keg o'Rum, by the way, which I think is cute, the way it refers to pirates and all. Most of the discussion is about Iraq, so there could be a hidden meaning there.
I was a little surprised when Dogwhisperer followed my comment above with his own remark: "fuckin' bad idea, bitch! You must be outta your mind." Then I realized he was talking to someone else. There are certainly no rules about waiting your turn on blogs! I found that hard to get used to at first, but now I think it's very democratic. Just today, I barged right into a discussion about black flag operations, whatever that is, and said "as Reverend Anderson used to say, he that covets not, needs not."
I am still nervous about how much to reveal about myself, and whether I can believe the others are who they say they are. I'd love to talk about some of the things I've achieved here in Chagrin Falls, but I sense that Feminazi wouldn't take them in the right way.
I don't even know if Feminazi is a girl. Sometimes she talks as if she's just making fun of us, with her stories of having a lesbian lover in France, and sailing around the world together on her dad's yacht. For one thing, does the World Wide Web even go all the way to France?
I think I've made some friends here, though. Peace Kitten is one of them. She always compliments me for my stories about the different things people do here in Chagrin Falls. She calls me her favorite bourgeois, even though I'm only a working girl, and not French at all. She once said she might want to visit me someday, and gave me a Web site where I could leave her my e-mail address. (You don't want to give out your address right on the blog, because then a lot of people that you don't know, like Skulkydog, could find out where you live.)
When I went to the Web site, though, it wasn't Peace Kitten, but ZionistWatch, and I didn't feel right about leaving my address there. For one thing, I don't like people who use bible language in a disrespectful manner.
Peace Kitten seemed to drop out after that. I haven't seen her on the site since then. I had some interesting things to tell her about, like my parents' friends who are Democrats and are really very nice people. I know Peace Kitten doesn't think highly of Democrats, even though she doesn't like Republicans either. I wonder if she realizes she's painted herself into a corner there? I mean, there's really no other political party, is there?
Last night, Feminazi, Dogwhisperer, and Snoggy got into a big argument about Israel and racism. I didn't understand it at all, and just stayed out of it. I mean, there aren't any African Americans in Israel are there? Feminazi was very angry, and called Snoggy anti-Semitic. I don't like it when bloggers talk like that -- it just seems to bring the whole conversation down to an unpleasant level.
That's the best thing about this blog -- it's usually so polite and considerate. I just sit here in my pajamas and pretend I'm talking with my best girlfriends on the phone. Why spoil all that?
I have a funny idea, though. Even though Peace Kitten has disappeared from the site, there's a new person called Mistress Zena who sounds just like her. She's already being very friendly to me and I'm beginning to think this could be Peace Kitten with a different name! I like Peace Kitten because she's so smart, and I wouldn't put this past her.
I'd like to let her know that I've figured it out, so that we could be back in touch, but if I'm wrong I don't want Mistress Zena to think I'm being forward.
Maybe I should take a different name myself -- like Wheel o' Fire, or Waiting Madly -- and say, in a "masculine" voice, "Hey Zena, stop by anytime. We can talk about man-boy relationships" (like coaching, I think she means), and "get to know each other." My address is 3240 Owl Creek Road, Chagrin Falls, Ohio. Come after nine, and use the side door."
Of course that's not my real address. I'm not that naïve! I live across the street, at 3238. My best friend, Sally, lives at 3240. Won't she be surprised!
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