by Peter Byrne
(Swans - August 27, 2007)
He: It changed everything.
She: This isn't the first time you fell off your diet.
He: Who's counting a couple of pounds more or less with the nation in peril?
She: It's a couple of pounds more, not less.
He: We're all in harm's way. You heard the prez.
She: I heard him. Is Harm's Way some kind of main street where he lives?
He: You wouldn't be able to joke like that if he didn't have that Homeland Corporation protecting you.
She: I also notice we buy twice as much beer since the terrorists hit Weight Watchers.
He: It's stress thirst. We're keyed up. It's natural.
She: Water's natural.
He: It was like that in the army. The guys would punch a can together and sing a chorus of frig the slants in pajamas.
She: Now they have therapists.
He: We were tough. Not that there weren't some wimps around then too.
She: That was in San Diego?
He: Yes siree. We were rarin' to go.
She: You were lucky the boat never sailed.
He: That wasn't luck. Washington got nervous and declared victory.
She: All the same, I married a veteran.
He: We all shared the pain.
She: And the stress and the thirst.
He: It took a lot out of us.
She: Wasn't San Diego where you got the clap?
He: A touch, a touch. My resistance was low. I was under the weather.
She: Maybe you had pre-traumatic stress disorder.
He: Cut it out. We had good normal stress in those days.
She: And thirst.
He: Like he said and I told you, nothing is the same after this thing.
She: I hear you and your buddy the Decider when he manages to get the words out. But otherwise I'd not have noticed.
He: Wake up woman. They came after us in our homes. You saw it on TV.
She: Sure. But I changed channels and tidied up the cushions on the sofa.
He: You have no sense of history. There's a before and after, B.C. and A.D.
She: Why bring Him into it for crisake?
He: A manner of speaking. You're in denial.
She: That's not my manner of speaking.
He: It's them or us.
She: The comedians in turbans?
He: The fanatics with blood on their hands.
She: So you want me to jump in and swim in it? Your big bang's not going to change me one way or another.
He: Irresponsible. We're going to take a global view around here from now on.
She: We switching to German beer?
He: For one thing you're not walking the dog on your own anymore.
She: The pooch has had his own little traumas. He sure as hell can't walk me.
He: You have to understand. It's not safe out there any longer.
She: It's true his bark sounds like a smoker's cough these days.
He: You don't want to understand, do you? Folks, this is what denial leads to.
She: I admit he's dozy.
He: Dozy? That pooch is supposed to defend you and he's already done a peace deal with his fleas.
She: Nobody's getting any younger.
He: Right, and you've got a toothless guard dog.
She: Odd isn't it that he can still handle a pizza?
He: That's jaw movement. He's still got two jaws.
She: I suppose that even two wouldn't mean much to a terrorist.
He: A terrorist is hard. He can gulp down that bible of theirs without pictures.
She: Still, in the dark, to have that pizza crunch on his leg might panic him.
He: A coughing dog would hardly disable a terrorist. Surprise him, maybe. But who wants to surprise those guys? They get jumpy and set themselves off. Boom!
She: You're saying we're looking for another guard dog?
He: That would be the responsible thing to do. The real article, big, very big, with a lot of sharp teeth and a bark like a shotgun.
She: A wolf?
He: The contrary of the pooch.
She: Would he live with us? I mean inside the house?
He: Maybe a doghouse would be in order.
She: In the flowerbed? Or a roadblock on the front walk?
He: We could settle for something basic, no frills.
She: No tail?
He: The doghouse. Something simple, ecological, cheap.
She: One storied with camouflage?
He: I think we ought to look for an animal with sniffer training.
She: Most of them have a snout.
He: I mean a professional sniffer, like you see at the airport. A patriotic dog that won't let drugs or explosives or foreign evil past him.
She: Would he wear a uniform? This is going to change our lives.
He: That's exactly what the veep is calling for.
She: What about the prez?
He: He's always on message.
She: Like we said, I feel it would be best to wait till after the election.
She: You know, not every dog can eat pizza with his jaws.
He: Bones, dogs are supposed to gnaw bones.
She: We'll think it over. I'm not denying that on a bad day the pooch might need the two of us to protect him.
He: As if I haven't got enough responsibilities.
She: Careful you don't get stress thirst again.
He: Being under siege wears me out.
She: Courage, Mon général. Put your dentures in and we'll all three go out on patrol.
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