White House Polemics

by Jan Baughman

December 15, 2003


The following enlightening conversation was picked up by Barnie Cam, as Barney the First Dog taped the president and his chief of staff...

Mr. President, I have some rather troubling news for you -- it seems that a shifting of the poles is inevitable. We may have to rethink our environmental slash and burn policy in case the world turns upside down under your leadership.

For chrissake, Andy -- we know the Greens have no impact on the election, and the Dems have about as much concern for the environment as I do... No way will I change policy and risk alienating my big contributors.

Excuse me Mr. President. I didn't say that the POLLS were shifting, I said that the POLES were shifting. Some electromagnetic imbalance or something that will make north, south and south, north. I don't quite understand it...

Well, as a southerner, I'm doing well in the north, so what difference will it make? The world's eating out of my hands right now, Andy. But maybe it'll light a fire under Canada to support us better, and get Mexico to chill a bit -- heh heh heh... Hey, what about them Poles -- how can we pressure them to send some more troops to Iraq? Our kids need a break there...

They've sent 2,500 troops already. And with one casualty, their polls show the majority of citizens oppose Poland's presence in Iraq. I doubt we can get any more...

How can one casualty polarize a country, Andy? Don't they know this is a noble fight against evil? Tell 'em to stop the body count.

I didn't come to talk about Poland, Mr. President...

...Anyway, all this proves that we need to decrease our reliance on electricity and magnets, and get that oil out of Iraq before the polls -- I mean the POLES, close. Seems I'm gonna have to put on my Santa suit and drop in to Baghdad again at Christmas. Which pole does Santa take off from if the poles shift, Andy?

Good question, Mr. President -- I'll get to work on that right away...

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Magnetic Poles: http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=36110

Polls in Poland: http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/World/Iraq/2003/07/28/147784-ap.html

Barney Cam: http://www.whitehouse.gov/holiday/


Jan Baughman on Swans (with bio).

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Published December 15, 2003
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