by Femi Akomolafe
Humor
(Swans - January 26, 2009) My fellow Americans and citizens of our great nation, it has been a great and humble, em, eh, humbling to have been your Commander in Chief in this turbulent two years, eh, eight terms, em, eight years of my administration against our homeland. I have been wonderful for my administration to steer the affairs of our great American nation, especially at this dangerous times when al Qaeda and their affiliations are preparing and are ever prepared to cause collateral damage to our freedom and liberty. The battle is great and it is wage to the survival of our way of life. We are a people nation. But we are also a fighting nation. We are a strong nation and people. Our soldiers, troops, marines, and sailors are helping to ensure the liberty of our safety and guarantee our love and freedom.
My fellow Americans, you know that we are a peaceful people. We love our neighbors and we care deeply about Africa. Why? some of you may genuinely ask me. It is something I love to do and it is very close to my heart and affection. When I went to Africa and see those wonderful people and met their kings and presidents, Laura and I said: Enough, never again shall a child go hungry. Africa is an incredible place of hostility, ehm, ehm, hospitality. When we invite the African kings to go and meet me at the White House, we retaliated their own hospitality for kind. Because when we went to Africa, Laura and me were treated like royal. The people have very little but they gave generously. So, Laura and I and officials from State and Defense departments welcome advice and said to ourselves, we shall encourage the growth of liberty in Africa. In recognition we gave freedom medals to some African chief. We shall help Africa to build frontiers of liberty and freedom in places like Zimbabwe and Sudan. Our effort is genuine and our work is great but together Africa shall march forward to posterity not in want and hatred but love and concern for her wonderful people.
Thanks to our gallant soldiers and troops and their fine commanders, we have extended the fire, em, eh, torch of liberty, to corners where dictators once roam. Democracy have prevailed in Iraq and Saddam Hussein is gone. So are his two terrible sons. The Iraq people are grateful to us for letting the light of liberty and freedom shine through the dark Arabic night and illuminate their houses. Today Iraqis go about their business not being afraid of secret police knocking on their houses, ehm, doors, at the middle of nowhere in the night to kill them off with poison gas and other weapons of mass murder at the hands of Saddam Hussein and his killers. Today Americans walk tall and proud in Iraq and elsewhere. Thanks to our vigilance and endurance Muslim killers are no longer in control in Iraq.
We shine our liberty light in Pakistan and in India where we helped prevail upon people between two antagonistic nuclear people, nations. Today, India is at peace with her neighbors. Pakistan has just elected a democratically elected President and the country is fighting side by side with the international community and NATO troops to convince down the Islamic terrorists who are destroying the name of the great religion of the Islam people. Islam is a great religion of peace and is one of the three great religions in the world. But al Qaeda people hid behind this great religion to spread intolerance propaganda among the people and children at their schools in Pakistan. I have ordered our Special Forces to initiate infiltrate to known terrorist cells in Pakistan and across. I say to al Qaeda, you cannot run but you can hide. Like they say in my Texas: "The Sheriff gonna get you."
Thanks to my good friend, President Kasimi, Kas... Afghanistan is enjoying the fruits of unpreparedness, ehm, unprecedented liberty and freedom. The killer Talibans have been dislodged from their heavily fortified mountains and bunkers in the mountains. American troops have helped pacified the towns and villages of Afghanistan where fundamentalist al Qaeda killer squads once commanded.
Our accomplishments are many and it is only humility and the lack of it that will not allow me to crow a little. You know, as a Texan boy, I know that good deeds comes from good hearts. Our intentions are noble and our conducts is great.
In our hemisphere we have brought peace and freedom. I talked to the leaders of the Organization of American nation states and try to convince them that the light of liberty will forever shine in our sphere. Never again shall the waters of the American shore be the hotbed of revolutionary terrorists. Because it is in the interests of our American homeland be safeguarded when there is peace in Mexico and Brazil.
I have met world leaders and have exchange feelings with them. I am on first name terms with the international world leaders. Just yesterday, Laura and I played host to the President of Ghana from South Africa, President Kumf..., President ... is a good friend of mine. And we fully support his country as they battle to join the forces of darkness against the evil. They all recognize that we live in dangerous times. But as Americans we say that we shall not live in the shadow of fear. Our founding fathers confronted evil and they conquered it. They did not turn and ran away. They face the evil head on and they vanq, ehm, vanquished the evil doers and today we enjoy their toils of liberty and sacrifices. When the terrorists took the battle to out heartland and killed three thousand of our citizens and others, we say NEVER again.
I have grab, ehm, eh, grasp the monumentality of the danger pose to the free world and our allies by the fundamentalist rulers of Iran. We should never misunderestimate the danger of nuclear armed-Iran which is a state sponsor of terrorist cells in the Middle East and other Arab countries to destroy the state of Israel. Our fun, ehm, eh, fundametalistic and imperative goals are good intentions to help the Iranish people help theirselves. We refuse to accept the fundamentalist goal of suppressing people goals of freedom and liberty. Freedom and democracy must go hand in hand with the freedom of the people. It is not only white Methodist guys who love freedoms and goals. When I look the Iranish people in the eye I cannot say "Freedom is the goal." And my message to the rulers in Tirana is simple: "Let the people be free."
We are engaged with the Israelis and the Palestinians to achieve peace and freedom in the land of God. As we push efforts to make the Israelis and the Palestinians come together as one people, we must exclude the killer Hamas and Hezbollah terrorists. Because they do not love freedom, that is why they hide behind women and children to kill innocent freedom loving democracy. I have urge President Abbas to come to Washington to discuss a feasible ceasefire that will ensure and guarantee the security of Israel. The two are one people of Abraham and a nation of one God.
We have worked hard to strengthen the United Nations and its organization. I told my good friend, the secretary general of the United Nations, Dam kil Sun, that an effective world body is freedom for everybody. The peaceful keepers of the United Nations are doing a fantastic job and they must work in harmony to defeat the terrorists who kill babies and mothers.
We are a blessed people and people from across the ocean are envious of our achievements. Americans must work hard to restore hope to the grassroot. That is why I urge Congress to pass our urgent appropriation bill to put Americans back to work so that we can continue to grow the planes that we eat and produce the food that we fly. When I look at the factories that produced our great motor industries, I say this is not the America of the 21st century. We must move forward. We must call upon the ingenuity of our techni, ehm, technology and people to make the breakthrough to achieve our environment. I don't buy the idea that it is impossible. The American spirit is the people of the frontier. Our spirit is to conquer obstacle and achieve the science to make things happen. It is the spirit of endeavor. The spirit of people and goals. We are a nation of helpers; we help our neighbors. We are moved by the spirit to help.
As we confront the labor shortages in the market industry, we shall help put the financial houses in order. Americans must be able to buy the loan for their work. The workplace must hum again with decent Americans folks earning family income to sustain them and their family. American man must be able to wake up in the morning and look the wife in the eyes and say to her: "Hey, honey, I gonna earn some honest pay." And it must be possible. The women too. And childrens who go to school to help build the future of America must also enjoy economic prosperity.
As I the curtain draw on my presidency, I look back and say: "These are the best of times; these are the worst of time." And as I welcome my predecessor, ugh, successor, my good friend, Senator Back..., ehm, Obina, I say: Welcome to the homeland. May God continue to bless this our great republic and her freedom and liberty people.
PS: It shall never be known what crimes we committed that made Americans inflicted a moron like George Bush Jr. on the rest of us. As he sings his last hurrah, we say good riddance to a very bad rubbish. May the likes of George Bush Jr. never again preside over the affairs of an important nation! Amen, amen, amen!
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