by Gilles d'Aymery
(Swans - July 4, 2005) It was indeed a pleasure to listen to the president of the United States, George W. Bush, explain to the American people that the central front of the Global War On Terror was our country and that thanks to freedom and democracy being patiently groomed with the benevolent help of the US military, supported by the beloved American people through their elected representatives, the evil terrorists will be defeated. We are hoping for a bright future of peace and prosperity...when the present becomes past and the US promises have materialized, as they have so often in the short history of that blessed country... Insha'Allah!
Of course, we would be remiss to point out that there were no terrorists in Iraq before the US benevolent war of liberation; that the Saddam regime had no connection whatsoever with the tragic events of September 11, 2001; and that not one Iraqi national was a member of the 19 highjackers. We would be equally remiss to raise the issue of the non-existent Weapons of Mass Destruction, the non-existence of which was well known from 1995 onward.
In the meantime, our country, the seat of a 6,000-year-old civilization, has been devastated, its infrastructure in rubbles, its historical artifacts looted, its people raped, tortured, and killed in the many. We have no electricity, no water, no food, no social services -- from healthcare to education -- no security, no civil harmony... In other words, we have no life but one on a Schiavo tube with hope for an act of Congress to make it permanent.
As the flags fly high in the genteel wind of liberty, as the summer barbecues are fired up, as terrific bargains, with no interest till 2006 or till the rapture comes (pick and choose) abound -- bless the good and generous American people in the sanctity of that exceptional land -- we, humblest among the humbles, we, bunkered into the illusion of our humanness, wish to bring a slightly different perspective -- no offense intended to the great American polity, the master race, so enmeshed with the history and geography of the world (ask your average high school pupil) that they can pinpoint on a map Mount Rushmore or Timbuktu or Constantinople at a moment's notice. The extensive knowledge of the good people of America should be emulated by the entire world. Again, America is the guidepost and the lighthouse of an enlightened future. We acknowledge this unreservedly. Allah Haffiz
Talking about guides, we would like to offer our deeply felt thanks to the American people, by summarizing our own view -- undoubtedly flawed, since we do not possess the god-given insights accorded to that chosen people.
It started a long, long, long, long, long time ago, but we'll limit ourselves to the recent past.
We are grateful to you that in the objective of defeating communism you supported and abetted the rise to power of Saddam Hussein. We are thankful to your Mr. Kissinger for his kind interactions between our Kurdish population and the Shah of Iran (a favorite of yours) in the mid-1970s. We are deeply indebted to you for having led us to launch a fratricide war with our Iranian neighbors and to arm us with chemicals and other WMDs, as well as satellite imaging and strategic guidance, to help us bring our Iranian brothers to a standstill...we only lost one million or so of our people in the exercise... Then came the Kuwaiti adventure for which we are eternally thankful. Not only did you out-fox the evil one (Saddam) by goading him to move against Kuwait -- a country that was, on your supervision, stealing our oil (soon to become yours) and waging an economic war on our depleted financial resources by driving the price of oil down -- you managed to send us back close to the stone age, on the basis of eloquent premises -- the incubator story and our tanks lined up on the Saudi border, as well as, let's not forget, our use of chemical gases (supplied by you and your faithful European allies) against our own people. We thank you for obliterating the withdrawing Iraqi troops on the "highway of death," a scene worthy of Lawrence of Arabia fame. We are most grateful to you for willfully destroying our water infrastructure, our electrical grid, our bridges, our oil producing capacity, and everything that made Iraq what it was: a model of modernity within the Middle East.
It only got better from there on. Thanks to your historically documented generosity (ask your own Indians, your "people of color," and the like...) you instigated the sanctions regime, which lasted for a decade and killed over one million of our no-good citizenry -- a majority children... -- a worthy price in the words of one of your great humanitarians. You enticed our Shiite brothers in the south of the land to revolt, only to let them become chicken shit in the eyes of Saddam's helicopters. And the sanctions went on and on and on, so that, thanks to your enlightened policies, we would hopefully come to our senses.
By 1998, our senses remaining blurred, you formalized the regime-change policy. Just out of good will, you withdrew the arms inspectors from the country and bombed the hell out of us. It made us feel more and more indebted, we can assure you.
That was not enough, however. Fortunately, for our ever-brighter future, 9/11 came to pass. We learn that the evil Saddam was behind it all. According to your own narrative, we Iraqis hate you Americans so deeply, that with the help of Bin Laden (or is it the Mossad, or an inside job...ask your own pundits) we pulled this deadly stunt -- and we had WMDs... Not only could we hit your blessed shores with our antiquated machinery, we intended, were bound to kill you all, with balloons and drones (you forgot the magic flying carpets), and yellow cake, and anthrax, and whatever wishful thinking we've been accused of. You can only imagine how our twisted minds work... Providentially, your clear, faith-based methodology has shaped us all to your reality.
We, henceforth, thank you from the bottom of our hearts for your selfless crusade to bring us to the level of your enlightened selves. It has taken us just about 30 years and 2.5 million-plus deaths to finally realize the well-foundedness of your position. We are apologizing for the death of a couple of thousands of your compatriots, who, indubitably are 1,000 -- say 10,000 -- times worthier than our own children. Yours are the children of god; ours, that of the evil.
Thank you so very, very much for reminding us of your grandiose reality and setting us straight (till we are set free). We wish you all, good people of America, a safe and joyful 4th of July. Enjoy your independence, and don't bother thinking of us when you shop at your favorite store. We are not worthy of your thoughts. Jazakh Allahu Khairan.